


What Honor Knew

by Miss_M



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, F/M, Horses, Married Sex, POV Animal, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 03:15:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1154112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_M/pseuds/Miss_M
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaime has a mating-related idea. Brienne demurs. Honor takes measures to prevent Jaime from persuading Brienne to try it.</p><p>Yep, this is an Honor POV fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Honor Knew

**Author's Note:**

> The crackiest crack that ever cracked, inspired by item #2 and some of the comments on [this](http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/blog/10-things-i-hate-about-sex-scenes) hilarious list of romance novel clichés. Title adapted from Henry James, who probably would have had a stroke at the mere thought of what Jaime proposes in this fic. I own nothing.

Honor chewed oats out of his feedbag in the slow, thorough way of horses. Making feed and other things last was a skill humans seemed to lack, with their tendency to gobble too much too quickly, then complain of hunger and demand ever costlier and finer victuals. A horse knows better.

Chewing oats, occasionally pawing the soft ground, and breathing in the scents of the mare beside him, the new Spring grass and freely flowing water in the nearby stream, was also a good way for Honor to listen to his masters’ conversation without letting them guess their every word was taken in, chewed over, and understood. They saw a horse tethered to a tree gaze at them, and called it clever. Little did they know. 

“Jaime, we shared a horse once before, when we were…” Brienne Lannister paused, her jaw moving in an equine way. She did not wish to have to say the words, but did it anyway, ever the brave one. “When we were held captive by the Bloody Mummers. Why would you wish to recreate that experience?”

Jaime Lannister’s smile turned rigid and strained in the corners of his lips, just for a moment. His right arm twitched as though he wished to use his missing hand to brush his hair or scratch. “I wasn’t looking to recreate the fever, the pain, or the misery, wench. Rather to replace that memory with another. Me astride a horse, you astride me. Full gallop, even if the horse stands still.” He waggled his eyebrows at his mate, who looked away, blushing warm as a Spring dawn. 

Honor liked Spring. Spring meant succulent grasses, unfrozen ponds, and lots of lovely dust in which to roll whenever the chance presented itself. 

Unfortunately it also meant Honor’s masters sometimes took their mating out of their sleeping enclosure and into open spaces. Honor and Brienne’s favorite mare, Princess, had already witnessed it on a few occasions. 

Humans mated in the oddest ways. Honor was certain some of it couldn’t possibly result in a human foal, which begged the question: why do it at all? Even had it been possible, Honor would no more have used his mouth on Princess or Jonquil or Elenei or any of the other mares when they were in heat, than a horse with any sense would attempt to mount a mare eye to eye. That was just ridiculous. Jaime Lannister was as good a master as a horse could wish for, but Honor had no intention of suffering such an indignity to take place on his back even once. 

“On second thought,” Jaime was saying, blissfully disregarding his mate’s persistent headshake, “having you astride me in the saddle might be too much. The pommel would crush your tailbone. You could face forward, wench, and just lift yourself onto my lap. I’d use the stirrups for leverage, and you could brace yourself on the pommel.” 

“You…” Brienne stopped, closed her eyes, and licked her lips before she continued. “You must have fallen and struck your head when I wasn’t looking, ser. Quite apart from wearing breeches, I have no intention of doing with you on horseback what we can accomplish much better in our bed.” She opened her eyes like the Spring sky, frowned at her mate. “Our lovely, soft bed. Unlikely to buck us off or brush against a tree in protest.” 

Jaime Lannister opened his mouth, eyes twinkling like stars, if stars were green, but Honor had heard enough. He snorted inside his feedbag, around a mouthful of oats, and pawed the ground emphatically. 

Honor’s masters stared at him with rare matching expressions. 

Jaime Lannister cleared his throat. “You don’t suppose the horses understand us, do you, Brienne?” 

“I suppose,” Brienne replied slowly, giving Honor and Princess an assessing look. Honor hoped he hadn’t just overplayed his position, and shown to the humans just how clever horses were. “I suppose Honor knows you well enough to be able to smell mischief on you. Honestly, Jaime. If you were a horse, you wouldn’t like it either. Nor would you stand still for it.”

“Who said anything about standing still? I was hoping to get Honor into a healthy canter, so I could use my hand for balance and fuck you with the motion.”

“Jaime.” 

Jaime sighed. “Very well, wench, I was only jesting. Mostly. And if Honor knows me as well as you say, Princess clearly doesn’t know you, or she’d have been whinnying and shying long ago.”

Princess rolled her eye at Honor, a look of long-suffering fellowship, and kept chewing her oats silently. The mare clearly had more sense than Honor, and knew to keep her opinions to herself. But Jaime Lannister could be very persuasive, and if Honor hadn’t made his feelings plain, he might have found himself weighed down by two humans attempting to mate as the Great Stallion who made all horses intended, yet still going about it in the tail-backwards way humans seemed to do so many things. It would have been like horses mating in a tree!

Brienne leaned over from where she sat on the fresh grass at her mate’s side, and lipped Jaime Lannister’s face in an affectionate gesture common among humans as well as horses. 

“Princess knows that while you occasionally lure me to that empty stall in the stables, I have better sense than to let you take me on horseback,” she murmured. “The very idea! We are not characters in a bawdy song or a badly written Lyseni tale, you know.” Brienne bit her lip with her beautiful teeth, a gesture Honor recognized: she was dreading the next words out of her mouth yet felt compelled to utter them. “Are you bored, Jaime? Is that what this is about?”

For all that he sometimes got odd notions into his small head, Jaime Lannister was not a bad man. Honor had known masters who beat their horses every day, and butchered them for meat at the first sign of hunger, but Jaime had treated Honor with kindness through war and Winter. Jaime lipped his mate’s face in return, and spoke in a tone as warm as a hayloft, which Honor had heard him use with squires and young knights, including the boy Lew who had given Honor his name. Honor had had a different name before, and understood that names could change around people who were especially cruel or especially kind. Brienne Lannister of the lovely eyes and teeth had had a different name once too, before she became Jaime’s mate, and Jaime most often used that blood-warm, stable-close tone of voice with her. 

“Never forget I am given to idle fancies from time to time, and need you to remind me of who I am and what I have. The seven hells would freeze over before I got bored of you, my lady wench. Our bed, and the occasional afternoon riding out from the Rock and then riding you in the greenwood are all I require.”

Brienne snorted, a sound which heralded annoyed amusement in humans and pure annoyance in horses. “So long as we do not attempt it while riding an actual horse,” she said, laughing. 

“No, but we might attempt it here. The grass is almost as soft as a bed, and I brought a blanket, so you need not worry about snails and twigs again.” 

“I knew you did not pack that blanket just so we wouldn’t have to break our fast on dirt and grass,” Brienne said as Jaime rose and fetched the rolled-up blanket tied to Honor’s saddle. Jaime shook it out and made a great show of spreading it on the grass, smoothing it out with his one hand and making faces at his mate, who laughed and laughed, and undid the laces on her jerkin as she joined Jaime on the blanket. Nothing Honor hadn’t seen several times before. 

Jaime and Brienne Lannister took their time doing the things humans seemed to enjoy but which left horses mostly puzzled. Honor and Princess chewed their oats and enjoyed the sunshine and mild breeze, the many shades of green, the sap-rich, loin-stirring abundance of Spring.

**Author's Note:**

> Brienne named all the mares. Of course she did. One of Lys’ major sources of revenue which doesn’t get advertised much is pornography. It is the city with a native love goddess and the home of Salladhor Saan, after all.


End file.
